Nine Tenths of Education...

"Nine tenths of education is encouragement." ~Anatole France


Dictionary.com states ENCOURAGE is “to inspire with hope or confidence; cheer; brighten”

How good does it feel when someone encourages you? Do you enjoy receiving a compliment? Have you ever gotten that warm fuzzy feeling inside when a friend sent you a cheery note via snail mail instead of a text or email? What about when someone did something nice that you did not expect?

Encouragement has the ability to breathe new life into ones soul. It can sustain hope. It can be a catalyst that pushes a person one step further. It seems that encouraging others can be as simple as lighting a candle and watching how powerfully a single flame can light a dark room.

This week my youngest daughter met her deadline and completed her school Science Fair project – something she had been working on for the last eight weeks. In preparation for the judging, she made some note cards to help her stay on track. The stresses of this event coupled with many nights of homework, sporting activities, singing performances and just an overall busy schedule, left my child over-tired…and it showed. The ‘melt down’ happened during the note card process…at the end of the day. A mental block occurred and it was quite evident.

From my perspective, the emotional outburst seemed to be over something rather trivial. It was at that moment that my own words of wisdom popped into my head:

You never know what someone is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.

I’ve said this to my kids many times. Now the tables were turned. I do not have the same behavior patterns as my daughter, nor do I remember what it is like to be 12 years old, presenting a science project for three adult judges. The reality is I’m not walking in her shoes right now, so I really don’t know what is going through her head and heart. However, there is one thing that I CAN do:

ENCOURAGE

For this particular scenario, encouragement could be a smile, a hug, a cheery word or even a little note in her lunch box. How simple is that? And how powerful! Remember:

You never know what someone is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.

Make today the day you chose to encourage. What kind of powerful results did you see?

Choosing Your Battles...

Growing up I've heard the saying, "You have to choose your battles."  I've told other mothers the very same thing.  While this is great advice for parenting (especially when you have a teenager), some battles arrive with full armor ready to take charge that we did not choose.

My dear friend did not choose breast cancer and a brain aneurism...but she did choose to fight.

The battles that have chosen me this last month, I did not choose.  But I know in order to survive them, I have to fight.  And that I will do.

What battle has come to you?  Are you willing to fight?

The world is looking for a generation of people who will rise up when the battles of life get difficult....even scary.  It would be much easier to give in or give up all together.

Know that you are not alone.  Know that YOU can CHOOSE to be a warrior.  I will.  Will YOU?

** Kimberly recommends the book "Warrior Chicks" by Holly Wagner for further insight on this subject.

Real Life Fender Benders...

While running errands today, a song came on the radio that has a catchy little tune and quirky words that strike home with women. I started humming along the first time I heard it and now my daughter enjoys singing along as well. Its fun, relatable message goes something like this… “Got couple dents in my fender – got a couple rips in my jeans – trying to put the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy”. This song, “Free to Be Me” is sung by a girl named Francesca Battistelli.

I had to chuckle to myself today because my 16 year old put a dent in my husbands sedan earlier this month. She was driving with her father, and while parking at the mall, she happened to hit the gas pedal instead of the brake. The car popped up over the curb and knocked over the small ‘temporary parking’ sign on a metal post in front of her. My daughter and my husband each were startled but the moment of fear caused opposite reactions to the minor event - One being silence with a frozen look on her face, the other a verbal outburst.

Some time has passed and we now giggle when we see the sign, which has once again tilted toward the ground because of the unfortunate incident. When retelling the story, friends have asked how we can now make light of this incident…typically from mom’s who have children close to the age of 16.

Here’s what I learned that can help you:

1) Find a Practical Perspective
“When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.” (Albert Einstein) In the overall scheme of things, this was a minor accident, but a good teaching moment. Truthfully, it gave both parties involved, a chance to learn and grow. One received education on what to do when denting dad’s car, the other was reminded not to sweat the small stuff because it’s all small stuff.
2) Have a Reasonable Expectation
“In the middle of every difficulty, lies opportunity.” (Albert Einstein) Expecting that our new driver will go through the learning curve perfectly is unrealistic. Understanding and accepting this while going through this trying time for both parent and child, allows us the freedom to become flexible. When there is room to breath, an opportunity exists for discovery, independence, wisdom and certainty to grow.
3) Say a Sensible Word
“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” (Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe) Will there be more fender benders? Probably. Will there be more good driving experiences than bad? Yes. It seems that from all my past ‘dents’ and ‘rips’, it is better to encourage someone to pick themselves up one more time and try again, rather than let them know all that they have done wrong.

No one ever said life is easy. Many of us have to experience things a couple of times before realizing the lesson. When we keep our perspectives and expectations in check, while speaking encouragement, we are free to laugh and sing while we put the pieces together from our real life ‘rips’ and ‘dents’.

Do You Have Double Vision?

I’ve heard it said…’If you do today what others won’t…you can live tomorrow like others can’t’. It makes complete sense. I know how I want my life to look tomorrow; I’ve played the video over and over in my mind for years. How hard could it possibly be? Just do a few important things each day and eventually my tomorrow will become a reality. There you have it; simple, right?

However, along the journey toward my blissful tomorrow, I have found one thing that seems to be extremely important yet most difficult to achieve. It is the act of self-discipline – training and controlling myself and my conduct to progress toward my goals and dreams.

Writing this blog holds a measure of self-discipline. I have a goal in place for posting new material, yet the calendar days flip by like a speeding race car. Today, I find myself caught between what I want to do and what I know I need to do. Obviously I have not yet mastered self-discipline, but it has become evident that self-discipline should occur first before my vision of tomorrow will become a reality. This develops into a ‘first this, then that’ type of scenario. A form of double vision - having one eye focused on today and the other eye focused on tomorrow.

Double vision for my teenager means in order for her to achieve her career goals tomorrow, she needs to focus on each class in school, which will add to, or subtract from, her GPA today.

Double vision in my role as mother, says that each and every time I stand firm while teaching values and obedience to my children today, I’m grooming them for a future tomorrow of significance and strength.

What are your eyes fixed on for today and tomorrow?

It will require self-discipline to keep one eye fixed on the important things which ought to be done today. There is an old saying that…’discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons’. If that is the case, might I suggest that we have the self-discipline to accomplish what is important today; so that we can be free tomorrow to live our destiny (without regret)!

Lessons from a Teenager...

Each stage of a child’s life is unique and fresh. I remember how thankful I was when my oldest daughter was able to get herself dressed, put on her own shoes and most of all…no more diapers! It seemed I had arrived at a whole new level of motherhood. I rejoiced in the little independent person she was becoming.

Today, that same daughter is 16 years old, gainfully employed, driving my mini van and has a boyfriend. The level of independence has dramatically increased but my rejoicing has diminished considerably. I am now learning to let go once again and find the joy in her independence…but in a whole new way.

When my daughter was recently applying for a job we began discussing what the potential employer might ask her in an interview. Then when they hired her, she had questions about how her first day might transpire. The questions kept coming one right after another. Thankfully I have learned and teach the Model of Human Behavior, so I understand that this daughter is ‘wired to wonder’. She has a natural tendency to need a lot of information, so she can be at peace and feel prepared. I, on the other hand, thought that she should just jump in with both feet because it would be an adventure.

The little voice in my head said, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” The reality is that my daughter had never done anything like this before, so she had no frame of reference to guide her.

When life events happen, there are lessons to be learned. The good news is that I can learn something from everyone…even a 16 year old. As the parent in this situation, what I learned was to adopt some of the ‘BE Attitudes’. In order to best help my daughter, I needed to:
BE Loving – no matter what happened
BE the Adult – answer her questions from my experience
BE Real – let her know that I was nervous too
BE Gracious – allow her to share her fears and her excitement while I LISTEN
BE Creative – give her some examples of how people answer interview questions
BE a Fan – cheer for her through it all

Is there somewhere you can adopt and apply the ‘BE Attitudes’ in your life today? Remember, what you say is important and what you do is significant.